There was a lot of preparation required the day before the surgery. I was not allowed to have food all day. I took a vacation day off work to focus on getting my life together followed by the epic colon cleanout procedure, and marked it on my calendar as One Poopy Day. The cleanout for the colonoscopy was so much better than this colorectal surgery preparation was; for the colonoscopy I was given a nasty grape-flavored colon preparation called Suprep, and it did the job in a few quick hours, no fuss. I sat on the toilet with my tablet and read the news and Reddit, and when it was all over I went to play in my pool league and never had to run urgently to the bathroom.
Poopy Day, on the other hand, was a nightmare. At 2pm I drank 8 oz of clear liquids. At 3pm I took 8 oz of clear liquids, Dulcolax 2 tablets, two Neomycin 500mg tablets, and one Flagyl 500mg tablet. At 4pm I took 8 ounces of clear liquids, 2 Neomycin 500mg tablets and one Flagyl 500mg tablet. At 5pm the fun started. I mixed 238g of Miralax and 64 ounces of Gatorade until dissolved. I had to drink 1 cup of the mixture every 15 minutes until finished. I kept thinking of the Potion of Despair scene in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, where Harry had to feed all the potion to Dumbledore even as he begged to be able to stop. Only where Dumbledore had to undergo a lot of mental suffering, mine was explosively, relentlessly shitty. I think even all the gum I ever swallowed as a kid came gushing out that day. And just in case an entire large bottle of Miralax wasn’t going to do the trick, at 6pm I had to take 2 more Dulcolax. At 7pm, I took 8 ounces of clear liquids again, then 8 ounces more at 8pm. At 9pm I got a break and had to shower with a surgical sponge soaked in smelly, orangey chlorhexidine. My tummy looked as orange as Donald Trump when I was finished. I heard he is a germophobe and realized, maybe the guy just bathes in chlorhexidine!
At 10pm I took another two 500mg neomycin tablets and one 500mg flagyl tablet. For a gut check, that’s a grand total of 3000mg of neomycin total, and 1500mg of flagyl. A whopping dose of antibiotics. I prayed to God I wasn’t allergic to either of these medicines, it would be my last night’s sleep for sure!
…as though I would be lucky enough to have that. I ran out of bed every 20 minutes to drop a literal shit storm in the bathroom, then after a while 40 minutes, then an hour. I finally fell hard asleep at 2am, and had two and a half hours of sleep when I had to wake up at 4:30am to prepare for surgery. What a long, poopy day!
…as though I would be lucky enough to have that. I ran out of bed every 20 minutes to drop a literal shit storm in the bathroom, then after a while 40 minutes, then an hour. I finally fell hard asleep at 2am, and had two and a half hours of sleep when I had to wake up at 4:30am to prepare for surgery. What a long, poopy day!
At 10pm I took another two 500mg neomycin tablets and one 500mg flagyl tablet. For a gut check, that’s a grand total of 3000mg of neomycin total, and 1500mg of flagyl. A whopping dose of antibiotics. I prayed to God I wasn’t allergic to either of these medicines, it would be my last night’s sleep for sure!
…as though I would be lucky enough to have that. I ran out of bed every 20 minutes to drop a literal shit storm in the bathroom, then after a while 40 minutes, then an hour. I finally fell hard asleep at 2am, and had two and a half hours of sleep when I had to wake up at 4:30am to prepare for surgery. What a long, poopy day!